I woke up this morning with a tremendous feeling of euphoria! Wow! What a dream I had last night. Here’s what I can remember of it…
Like one of those newsreels from World War II, I saw a scan of our country. Jubilation in the streets, celebrations in progress. I heard cries of joy. Everyone in the world had now been born in the USA. The land of prosperity and plenty was now available to all. Throughout all the land, exclamations of gladness revealed that all women, old and young alike, had been suddenly blessed with tremendous bosoms. But that wasn’t all! Suddenly all females were of Barbie® doll dimensions! (disregard that they now had to carry their kidneys in the coordinating Barbie® kidney fanny pack.) Bank directors were perplexed that all bank accounts had statistically evened out with no variance at all. Runs on ATMs died down quickly as the lucky recipients realized that all withdrawals now came from a single account. Truly a day of plenty had dawned on us all. Everyone regardless of race, creed, or religion had all he or she needed. No one needed to work anymore. Even the pizza delivery cars left stranded in the middle of the streets were no cause for sadness as each houses’ larder was stocked to overflowing. True, the Mormons were a little disheartened because their hording all these years had been for naught. But that didn’t really last long, because on the TV monitor images of the Pope embracing the Ayatollahs were awe-inspiring. Baptists were acknowledging each other in the liquor stores. All this was truly a sight to see. Tears of unending joy streamed down my face as I saw families reunited, lesbian daughters reconciled to Catholic mothers, African-American sons-in-laws were accepted into southern homes with love and kindness. And the coup-de-gras… the ultimate of ultimates… now… at long last… for the first time EVER… Healthcare was available to all. Free. No charge. We were finally living in a utopia! Huzzah!
As the dream started to fade, a slow Star Wars® like crawl edged away into the sunset. The only thing I could read was… “Brought to you by working class Joes and Josephines across the country. Excuse the mess.”
NOTE: I promise to not make serious political statements in this blog. Please understand that this is predominantly tongue in cheek. A parody of how both sides are purporting this nonsense.